Okay short for me. I have been sick so I haven’t felt much like blogging.
I’ve noticed when I have a fever I am not like other people who run for the tylenol and thermometers. I don’t care how high it is, and I would rather sink down into it than get rid of it. I crank my heater up, wrap myself in layers and blankets, add fuel to that fire and stoke, stoke, stoke.
It got me to thinking about whether or not I do the same thing with my depression or my anxiety?
Do they feel like a warm cup of cocoa on a cold day to me?
I know there are times when I get up in a foul mood and I give it a big old hug. I speculate it is because on those days I couldn’t care less about anything, including people, or what they think, and this is in stark contrast to how I normally spend my days thanks to my social anxiety, and PTSD.
I overanalyze every aspect of my interactions with others. I study patterns. I look for shifts in peoples body language, eye contact, and even their breathing for clues as to how I am doing in the world today. What am I searching for? Cues on how to behave. Indications of danger. Subtle expressions of like or dislike. Approval. Disproval. Validation.
But there is a silver lining. A few actually.
I am accutely aware that these thoughts are happening and so am able to cast them off as need be and focus on validating myself. Additionally, I have used my ability to tune into others throughout my life, and especially in my career. I am a great listener, not just becuase I listen to what is said to me but because I am very intuitive and can read between the lines. My intuition about people, and situations are rarely proven wrong, which has served me well when investigating claims, and interviewing clients.
I also think this has left me more self aware because I am so intimately acquainted with what makes me tick, good and bad. I have learned to accept these quirks and flaws as part of my make up, and also part of what makes me special.
So perhaps when I sink down into the thick of it, and embrace all that negativity I am really striving to learn, and to conquer.
Perhaps that isn’t so bad.
How have your experiences with life, and/or your illnesses shaped you? What unique quirks and flaws have you been left with? How do they make you special? If you have never taken the time to examine your quirks and flaws in a positive light maybe now is the time. Do you have lightning fast reflexes? Super hearing? Can you read lips from across the room? Do you seem to cause people around you to spill all their secrets? Can you navigate really well in the dark? Are you capable of sneaking up on people because of your amazing abilty to stay very quiet? How can these unique flaws be turned into positive skills you use in every day life?
If you feel like sharing, please comment.
Mentally Me – C/P